Romantic feelings or lust is the first stage of love. Romantic love is driven by testosterone and estrogen. Mating is the evolutionary purpose of this stage of love; it creates strong physical attraction and sets the stage for emotional attachment. In this stage of love, endorphins soak your brain and you're immersed in intense pleasurable sensations. Your lover is perfect, ideal, made for you. In this stage of love you feel exhilarated and even "high". You feel infatuated in this stage of love.
Physical attraction and power struggles make up the second stage of love (the "lovesick" phase). You may lose your appetite, need less sleep, and daydream about your lover on the bus, during meetings, in the shower. In this stage of love, dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin are racing through your body and brain. You're also trying to shape your lover into your ideal partner – which is where the power struggles come in. In this stage of relationship, you're becoming more realistic, and you two may fight about things like whether or not to buy organic food or listen to country music. The infatuation is wearing off, a strong emotional attachment begins to set in, and feelings of infatuation fade.
Emotional attachment or unconditional acceptance is the third stage of love. Emotional attachment involves commitment, partnership, and even children (a fear of intimacy prevents many from reaching this stage of love). In this stage of love, you're aware of both positive and negative traits in your partner, and you've decided you want to build a life together. Confrontation is most likely to occur in this stage of love (though if you're authentic and honest, it'll also happen in the second stage of love). You and your partner will either work towards a healthy, loving relationship or decide to call it quits.
Staying in Love
Love isn't just a vehicle that brings happiness and contentment to your life (or bitterness and pain!). Love is a living, dynamic creature that changes, grows, and needs attention -- and you must nurture it. In all three stages of love, your love reveals who you really are, in all your glory and weakness.
All stages of love can help you accept your strengths and weaknesses. All stages of love also reveal your partner's strengths and weaknesses
7 Tips for All 3 Stages of Love:
Focus on the things you can control: your attitude, your behavior, your words, and your energy. If you want something to change in any stage of a loving relationship, make it your own traits or actions – not your partner's.
Learn healthy ways to express your disappointment, anger, or frustration. Be honest and authentic, and kind and loving in all stages of relationships.
Remember the first stage of love! Recall your feelings of lust, attraction, and desire for your partner. Think about the traits that you were attracted to, and let those old feelings come to life again.
Appreciate your partner's good qualities; be grateful for the life you share. Gratitude can enhance all stages of relationships.
Focus on emotional intimacy in all three stages of love. Be vulnerable to have a healthy love life.
Own your feelings. Your partner can't "make" you feel stupid or worthless. If you feel unfulfilled or sad about your life, look at your own dreams and goals. Are you pursuing the life you were meant to live? Are you following your heart? Develop your personality, mind, and spirit. Figure out what will make you happy in this stage of love, and start creating the life you were meant to live.
Consider counseling in any stage of love. If you've lost that loving feeling, it could be an individual thing that you need to deal with or a couples' issue that you should tackle together. An objective point of view, from a therapist, pastor, or friend you trust, is incredibly helpful in all stages of relationships.
Still got to write that entry about relationships, sexual age and freedom.
Anyone reading this may be like, “bullsh*t!” But nah, seriously—I am!
I am legitimately socially retarded. I actually grew up handicapped. I was “mute” until after age 5.
At first, my family thought I was deaf but I would be frightened by sudden sounds. I think the main reason why I was mute was because I was not socialized early enough. Both my parents worked fulltime as my grandfather would watch over me. But he would basically just make sure I stayed out of trouble as he read the newspaper. On the flipside, all the time I lacked in socializing was spent towards observing and engaging the world through my other senses. I was quite the troublemaker… I would disappear, but always left a trail of destruction as I had an insatiable need to take things, break them down, and analyze them. Despite my social disability, I believe it was made up in other ways.
Normally, babies would speak some sort of babble at least by age 2. So without speaking a word by 5, doctors sent me to a ‘special’ school for rehabilitation. It worked all too well though; every grade school teacher has mentioned I have too much to say and sometimes struggled to even convey thoughts. I used to have a stutter.
Surely, I grew up incredibly awkward, dorky, and nerdy. I always felt out of place, never feeling that I fit in anywhere. So despite my social disability, I tried my best to succeed everywhere else in my life—which was mostly school and extracurricular activities. Yet, there is no doubt we are social beings. So, I artificially enforced social relations around me by working myself in positions of power—fake leadership. That is, I put myself in positions of responsibility so that people had to work/surround themselves around me. How sad, huh?
Yet, I don’t blame y’all for being so surprised with me. When directly engaged, I can be very talkative—hell sometimes too open. Or when I do presentations, people have commented how confident I sound. But I’ve always believed, I just BS with finesse.
So then, I first had a serious relationship at 16 with Jimmy (sure, I had a bunch of girlfriends before then, but really… who counts pre-high school relationships… hell, who even counts high school relationships?!). You would think high school is prime time for being social. However, falling in love with someone older (who was not high school), reinforced my social disability with my peers. I pretty much got all my social interaction with my boyfriend; besides, I thought he was all that I needed. Whereas, my friends gossiped about other friends, hung out at the mall, and watched movies… I did all that with just my boyfriend—and well plus lots of sex. Ha.
So you can imagine that when my year long relationship with Jimmy finally came to an end, the essential need for socializing suddenly went devoid. Rather than spend the time investing in proper socialization skills by hanging with actual friends, it logically seemed easier to stick with what I already knew---being a boyfriend. So yeah, I jumped from relationship to relationship for the next 8 years! Apparently, the astrological profile for Gemini is pretty spot on.
As for me being a nightclub manager, this doesn’t make me social. This position just supplanted the lack of extracurricular activity positions like in school. I look at most things in life like a job, task, or challenge to overcome. Boyfriends, especially, are a constant challenge---the need for me to constantly prove myself. Hrmm… or perhaps I should stop looking for such masochistic relationships. …maybe.
Yeah… I probably really should focus on developing concrete friendships.
I have really noticed, I am often at a loss for words nowadays. That is, I often find myself not finding the right word to say. It’s as if, I have lost my ‘voice’ again.
I’m glad to be writing again---it’s one step in the right direction in developing a ‘voice’ again.
Life is a cliche--Those common sayings we hear so often, but are quick to dismiss their meaning.
I often relayed the cliche: "All is fair in love and war." When I first interpreted its meaning, 'war' was easy to conceptualize. Human beings are capable of many things---some very unsavory things such as killing another. But in a war, is not necessary to kill another or to face being killed yourself? Is this fair? Depends on whose perspective, right?
'Love' on the other hand wasn't so easy to conceptualize. How often do we ask "what is love?" When you are in love or seeking love, one can do some crazy shit. You may plan some fantastical romantic evening for your date. You may travel hundreds of miles to surprise someone. You may be foolish to stay in an abusive relationship. Or what if say in position, where you are in a relationship that's not going so well, but you meet someone else that flutters your heart? To what extent, would you consider yourself cheating? Some of us may have black or white definitions of cheating---but some others have some gray areas... for example, is it cheating if you just 'look'? What is worse... cheating physically or emotionally?
In my opinion of the cliche above, one should follow their heart--even if that means it may hurting someone else in the process. Because, your own heart/your own happiness is of your concern and yours only. 'the heart wants what the heart wants'.
So then, this cliche is only fair in the prospective of the person who benefits. Just as history is often written in the prospective of the winning side.
It just sucks when you realize you are on the losing side.
...life is what you make of it... I believe this truly... so if you are losing, get over it.. and start winning.
...when life gives you lemons... find a kid with a paper cut.
Writing in a journal has somewhat renewed a sense of joy. With the numerous thoughts processes I go through every day, it’s comforting to actually take one of those thoughts and express them fully and fluidly rather than haphazardly or sporadically. I just wish my mind would shut up at night so I can sleep!
Any--woot, today's journal will elucidate cuddling in the context of gender roles and a comparison of rave music to circuit party music. I hope this entry offers you insight into who I am but perhaps enlighten one self.
Some of you may know my "dannyism" for cuddling. That is, I prefer to say "cubble". Imagine two young bear cubs cuddling each other---not only would they be 'cubbling', it’s pretty damn cute, right? Another reason why I often bastardize proper enunciation is that I tend to mumble pretty badly. So rather than trying to conform, I accentuate it.
So... homo cubbling versus hetero cubbling... Homo cubbling for the win! Why you ask? Because it totally sucks to be a hetero male. Presume typical gender roles in society, the defaulted view that the man is the protector of his girl always. The male, usually larger physically compared the female counterpart, would wrap his arms around his girl on guard till she falls asleep first so that he can follow suit (ironically, I find this cowardly--but hey, you can’t ALWAYS be on guard). To visualize, the male is usually the big C or big spoon against the female who is cubbled. The female always benefits!
I explained this situation to my hetero male friends, but none have really bought into my mode of thinking. But, I challenged, how tiring is it to be expected ALWAYS to be the protector. Would it not be nice to be able to relax, let down your guard, and have the role reversal? Why do we even like cuddling? It is reminiscent of the fetal position or wrapped in mother's arms?
Personally, I actually prefer more often taking on the role as the protector. I like holding someone as I sleep. But I do believe everything in moderation and take solace in the comfort of someone else' arms. Homo cubbling ftw!
Rave culture is evolving. I have been listening to trance, techno, electronica, and other ‘rave music’ for almost a decade now. About the time I was just getting into it, ‘true’ rave culture was on its way out. I bet most ravers today are not familiar with the Raver’s Manifesto (http://ecstasy.org/experiences/trip98.html).I wonder how prevalent drugs were in the author’s life. I don’t necessarily agree word for word, but I truly appreciate how the ‘idea’ has transcended the individual. I can only dream that I could write such a piece. Rave culture has increasingly become commercialized. Not quite ‘mainstream’ as the supposed ‘majority’ still demonize raves or at the minimum at the butt end of jokes.
Rave culture is NOT about drugs. It is about PLUR: Peace, Love, Unity, and Respect—drugs certainly help facilitate but the real facilitator is the appreciation of the music itself. ‘Rave Music’ and other electronic is the most popular genre of music around the world; it’s just the United States where Hip-Hop and R&B are on top. But you cannot deny, electronica is finding its way into mainstream culture. Top 40 hits are finding all sorts of electronica mashups and remixes. In fact, I really see “electro music” as the bridge between the two worlds of ravers and well—non-ravers.
On a personal level, I’ve noticed how either the music itself has changed or my taste has changed. Many of my most favorite rave songs back in the days were really upbeat in meaning. Take electronic remixes of John Lennon’s Imagine. For the past 5 years or so, I have definitely noticed my favorites tend to be negatively emo. The power of music has quite some control over me—sometimes even tears of happiness at the most randomness of times.
Ok…maybe me. That’s why I like the song so much! :D
Thinking about my emo taste in electronica made me think about my dislike of circuit party music. I frequently describe to my hetero friends that circuit parties are like gay raves. But, I’m really not doing any justice to my beloved rave scene. Circuit party music tends to be ‘darker’ in beat and more drawn out… a song might be playing with the same low backbeat for…ever! But is the circuit scene so different from the rave scene? Circuit partiers follow specific big named DJs the same way people follow Armin van Buuren, or in my case, Tiesto! Circuit parties are crowded just like raves. Drug use is certainly prevalent, except on a higher level with various letters of the alphabet in addition to E/XTC (A, C, G, ya da ya). Both events are crowded with hot sweaty people… except everyone at a circuit party tends to be shirtless with incredible hard/muscular bodies (with old wrinkled faces, lol) unlike twinkie kandi ravers. But again, it is about the music itself.
In the independent gay theme movie, Boy Culture (2006) (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0433350/) (SUPER AWESOME, WELL-MADE MOVIE BTW) the main actor sums the meaning of circuit party music best:
“Everything is so cut and dry. If you love someone set them free. Love me or let me go. Prove your love. My love is your love. It’s love or it’s not love. Love is sex. Sex is love. I defy you to find a [circuit party song] that says, ‘I’m not really sure if I’m in love with you or what love is really all about but I still want to have sex with you… blah blah blah’. But those things are harder to rhyme. “
From the homo prospective, the latter part is so true whether if you’re a hopeless romantic or careless slut. If only the former part is true---if things were cut and dry / black or white. Life would be so much easier. People should just be more honest with themselves with the latter. We’re all figuring things out and what we really want. Is it so bad to sometimes want… fuck all. Lol.
And by ‘fuck all’ I mean that in the Euro sense to mean… “nothing”. …
Chatboard (0)